i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
