Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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