cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
