i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
