I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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