Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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