I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
