I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
