chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
