he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
