your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
