I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
