We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
