What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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