Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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