ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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