I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize