How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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