The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
