So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
