I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
