You're so nebulous sometimes
I will die if light touches me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
