Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
