What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Two words: blizzard sex
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
