Just cropdusted the office
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
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The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
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