I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
