Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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