he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
