sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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