Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
