I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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