So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
