Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
