Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
