My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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