I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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