Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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