im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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