Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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