Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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