Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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