I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
