Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
