O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
