fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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