Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
