Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
