your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
