where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
