Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
