I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
