ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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