So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
