its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
