i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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