Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
