I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so let's talk penis.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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