ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
