I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
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i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
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On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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