She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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