the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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