Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i will never coherently bang her
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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