im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
