I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
