Your mouth is God's brothel.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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