why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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