I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
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i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
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the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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