windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
