then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
