listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila