I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN