Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
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he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete