Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
