What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.