Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime