i used baking grease as lip gloss
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?