Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
