I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
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Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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