You can't motorboat a personality
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
