I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
