Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
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I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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