The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
