OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
