Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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