Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
