If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
