I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
everyone is single if you try hard enough
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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