i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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