hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
