they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
