You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
